I may have had a stroke ? Editing photos a few days ago. I came to a stark & quite terrifying realisation that one of more eyes is way bigger than the other. Or one eye is way smaller than the other. Which ever way you want to word it there is a no glass half full or half empty here. Eyes totally come in pairs.
See – totally smaller. I rushed to the mirror thinking maybe this was my cameras fault. Lord knows my face does not photograph well. I’m full of bad angles. A weak jaw line and I have the opposite of the graceful long ballerina neck.
I also seem to have some neurological dyslexia when it comes to facial expression and poses. I think my face is conveying sultry in my mind but instead i look like a slack mouthed dumb founded trout. Or my mind thinks my face is conveying serious and introspective but instead i look completely constipated.
Looking in the mirror to my horror – NO – it wasnt some ugly trick of the camera. One eye has gotten smaller than the other. While it wasnt as noticeable than in the photo. It was smaller.
So instantly i think i have had a secret stroke in my sleep that no one noticed because i can be very ditzy and scatter brained on a good day. Being the hypochondriac i am – words like palsy, neurological disease, face paralysis all came to mind. I don’t even know what palsy is but it was floating around like a ping pong in my anxious mind. Then i got pissed off – its bad enough to have a serious possible life shortening possible terminal disease. I have to get one that also disfigures my face and everyone will remember me as disfigured and there will be no photo slide show at my funeral.
This was super troubling. So i did what any anxious person would do. Distraction. Because i have been BANNED by all loved ones from googling medical symptoms.
I watched the real housewives and ate some chocolate. But i was still hyper aware of eyes – and kept looking at the screen seeing only eyes. Searching for signs of symmetry, shape and size. I then decided to some online window shopping which always calms me – fell asleep. And forgot about it for the next few days until i saw this photo.
Feeling super calm I googled one eye smaller than the other and came across some images similar to my own. A few clicks later – PTOTIC. (“toe-sis”) Sounds real bad right? But basically its the scientific name for droopy eyelids. CHECK.
Ptosis is commonly caused by ageing. As you become older, the levator “lifting” muscles of the eyelid become stretched resulting in the upper eyelid becoming droopy.
From all online accounts mine seems to fall in the mild range.
So I am not dying im just getting old & uglier.
So my hypochondria has abated. But my vanity is in hysterics. The good news is if it does get worse and impairs my vision i can get plastic surgery and get an awesome eye lift thingy. But for now i will stick to wearing sunglasses and trying to learn to squint my other eye for symmetrical & vanity purposes.