What not to do

Life lessons from a loser. I am the worst person for advice. A bad example. Completely flawed. Bad influence. Inappropriate. Loud mouthed. Unfiltered. Usually unapologetic. Shrill. Mouthy. And usually failing at life.

But i can help you by telling you not what to do. Kind of like that “What not to wear” British TV show. Except i tell you what i did, that i really shouldnt have done. But somehow keep doing. That you should never do.

Don’t eat cookies for breakfast like I did.

Do not accidentally hit the gun emoji instead of the heart emoji when someone sends you a picture of her 2-day-old newborn baby.

Do not trip over the curb and protect your pumpkin spice latte from spilling over protecting your body.

Don’t offer Austrian old ladies you helped cross the road some homemade cookies you have in your purse. They think you are trying to poison them.

Don’t skip the base coat when painting your nails. It makes your nails yellow & gross.